For the past few years the presence of holistic self care has been more prominent. I've been introduced to different methods of taking care of myself and I must say that a lot of alternative treatments simply make sense and are truly beneficial holistically.
One thing I've been blessed to learn about is homeopathy. Which consists of using remedies in its purest form and in the most subtle of ways to help the body heal itself. Finding a good homeopath can help you achieve overcoming anxiety, depression, and grief as well as a lot of other mental, emotional, and even physical symptomss.
For me, I find it very helpful for being more positive, more assertive and more calm.
Homeopathy and other alternate treatments can be very helpful in the process of healing amd growing. Look for resources in your area.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
What Does Love Look Like?
The love I'm talking about is not conditional. It is non judgmental and is shared in full, which means, it has no restrictions or limits. The love I'm looking for is pure, inclusive, non-judgmental, non-conditional.
So often we use the word "love" and really have no clue what it's true meaning of love is.
Love has nothing to do with physical appearances, sexual relations, or what someone has done for you.
Love is selflessness; it's being empathetic.
Love is a profound thing that can change people, their bad habits, and their counter productive tendencies.
One of my favorite verses is about love and what it truely is:
"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
This verse often puts the word, and the act -"love" into perspective. Every time I read it I make myself open to truly love people.
"I am open and receptive to truly love people and all living things"
So often we use the word "love" and really have no clue what it's true meaning of love is.
Love has nothing to do with physical appearances, sexual relations, or what someone has done for you.
Love is selflessness; it's being empathetic.
Love is a profound thing that can change people, their bad habits, and their counter productive tendencies.
One of my favorite verses is about love and what it truely is:
"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails."
This verse often puts the word, and the act -"love" into perspective. Every time I read it I make myself open to truly love people.
"I am open and receptive to truly love people and all living things"
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Techniques I am Currently Using to Change Negative Thinking, Accomplish Goals, and Make Positive Changes In My Life
The need to feel better, do things different, and be healed of a diseased mind takes a lot of work, time and energy. In order for change to happen one needs to be open, ready and willing to do the work it takes to have different experiences. Below you will see some of the tools I am currently using to accomplish goals and live an authentic life.
First, write down a list of all the things you would like to improve, accomplish, or start practicing. This will be your goal list. My list consisted of the following:
Change my thought patterns
Stop procrastinating
Be solution focused
Learn to be an effective communicator
Exercise
Travel
These are the "big picture" goals. This is a list you can always add to as you find new things you would like to change or accomplish.
When you have a list going number each goal from 1-4. 1 being the most important to work on and 4 being the least important. For example:
Change my thought patterns (1)
Stop procrastinating (1)
Be solution focused (1)
Learn to be an effective communicator (1)
Exercise (2)
Travel (4)
From this point I like to choose 2-3 things that are 1's and 2 things that are 2-4's. This helps to balance things out a little. Challenging work should be balanced with pleasurable work. Once you pick 4-6 things you want to work on for the week, then you need to organize it. You will organize your goals by writing each one down and listing how can you accomplish each goal . For example:
If you are unsure of how you will accomplish a goal, write down "research it" and make a list of all your findings.
From here I like to use an agenda to keep myself organized and to make sure I accomplish or worked on each goal. Pick one or a few strategies to accomplish each goal. Here's an example of my agenda:
9am - write negative thoughts throughout the day*
10am - class
11am - class
12pm - make a list of boundary statements* read them over and practice throughout the day
1pm - exercise*
2pm - write negative thoughts*
3pm - make calls
4pm -
5pm - dinner
6pm -
7pm - write positives to the negatives* and read them over
8pm - read self-help book*
It's important to make yours tackle your goals in a realistic manner. Making them unrealistic will set you back and result in not following through. Also, making them to easy can also slow your progression down.
Also keep in mind that some goals you might have to carry forward for days, weeks or months depending on how much work has to be done. As long as you stick to it, it will improve and you will see and feel changes.
Give it a shot and see how it works for you!
First, write down a list of all the things you would like to improve, accomplish, or start practicing. This will be your goal list. My list consisted of the following:
Change my thought patterns
Stop procrastinating
Be solution focused
Learn to be an effective communicator
Exercise
Travel
These are the "big picture" goals. This is a list you can always add to as you find new things you would like to change or accomplish.
When you have a list going number each goal from 1-4. 1 being the most important to work on and 4 being the least important. For example:
Change my thought patterns (1)
Stop procrastinating (1)
Be solution focused (1)
Learn to be an effective communicator (1)
Exercise (2)
Travel (4)
From this point I like to choose 2-3 things that are 1's and 2 things that are 2-4's. This helps to balance things out a little. Challenging work should be balanced with pleasurable work. Once you pick 4-6 things you want to work on for the week, then you need to organize it. You will organize your goals by writing each one down and listing how can you accomplish each goal . For example:
- Change my thought patterns
- how? Write down negative thoughts as much as possible and write a positive to each negative. Then go over all the positives daily.
If you are unsure of how you will accomplish a goal, write down "research it" and make a list of all your findings.
From here I like to use an agenda to keep myself organized and to make sure I accomplish or worked on each goal. Pick one or a few strategies to accomplish each goal. Here's an example of my agenda:
9am - write negative thoughts throughout the day*
10am - class
11am - class
12pm - make a list of boundary statements* read them over and practice throughout the day
1pm - exercise*
2pm - write negative thoughts*
3pm - make calls
4pm -
5pm - dinner
6pm -
7pm - write positives to the negatives* and read them over
8pm - read self-help book*
It's important to make yours tackle your goals in a realistic manner. Making them unrealistic will set you back and result in not following through. Also, making them to easy can also slow your progression down.
Also keep in mind that some goals you might have to carry forward for days, weeks or months depending on how much work has to be done. As long as you stick to it, it will improve and you will see and feel changes.
Give it a shot and see how it works for you!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Resistance to Change
Why do some people have such a high resistance to change?
The change I have the most resistance with is, changing myself. I do not mean changing for other people but changing to feel better, do better, and think better. I know that thinking negatively ultimately effects me. I know that not doing what I'll say I'll do will not only hurt others but hurt myself as well. So, why is changing for the better so hard?
One thing I do know is that comfort, in regards to change is not helpful. Not being uncomfortable enough will lead to stagnancy which means no growth. Moreover, fear is also one the leading causes of most of my issues with change. A fear of relapsing, a fear of not meeting expectations of myself or others.
Writing this really helps me to realize I have to stop making excuses and get the courage to the best I can be. Stop being afraid to love, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to open my self to new things, afraid to be my best. I have examples of people doing it everyday, therefore I can do it to. So just do it!
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed Anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If yo find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it many never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
I was never between you and them anyway.
The change I have the most resistance with is, changing myself. I do not mean changing for other people but changing to feel better, do better, and think better. I know that thinking negatively ultimately effects me. I know that not doing what I'll say I'll do will not only hurt others but hurt myself as well. So, why is changing for the better so hard?
One thing I do know is that comfort, in regards to change is not helpful. Not being uncomfortable enough will lead to stagnancy which means no growth. Moreover, fear is also one the leading causes of most of my issues with change. A fear of relapsing, a fear of not meeting expectations of myself or others.
Writing this really helps me to realize I have to stop making excuses and get the courage to the best I can be. Stop being afraid to love, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to open my self to new things, afraid to be my best. I have examples of people doing it everyday, therefore I can do it to. So just do it!
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed Anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If yo find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it many never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
I was never between you and them anyway.
Fighting Negative Thinking
Lastnight my best friend and I decided to make changes to our negative thinking. We wrote down all of our negative thoughts, holding back nothing. It was interesting when when looked at our thoughts and saw a common theme. For me, all my statements were "I" statements, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be better and do better. Also a lot of statements were fear based, here are some of my negative thoughts I wrote down:
Negative: "I believe I am selfishness"
Negative: "I'm uneducated"
Negative: "I believe my sister hates my partner"
My friend also made me aware of how I sabotage my own progress. She explained it as; me digging my own hole and greasing the walls. Basically an impossible situation to get out.
And so, in addition to writing down our negative thoughts we had to also write the positives to each statement. We had to rearrange the negative statements to find see the positive. Such as,
Positive: "I am open to share my time, money, and energy to help another"
Positive:"I know a lot about different things most people do not know about","I am open and receptive to learning new things".
Positive: "My sisters insecurities are not mine to own", "I am open to set boundaries, display courage and respect myself and those who respect me".
I can see that just by changing the thought from a negative to a positive my energy about the issue changes.
Through this method of training your brain to think different, it is inevitable to prosper and have good experiences in my life.
But only with consistency can such a method work, I have to make a commitment to write as much negative thoughts as possible and also find a positive for each negative thought and focus on the positives.
Negative: "I believe I am selfishness"
Negative: "I'm uneducated"
Negative: "I believe my sister hates my partner"
My friend also made me aware of how I sabotage my own progress. She explained it as; me digging my own hole and greasing the walls. Basically an impossible situation to get out.
And so, in addition to writing down our negative thoughts we had to also write the positives to each statement. We had to rearrange the negative statements to find see the positive. Such as,
Positive: "I am open to share my time, money, and energy to help another"
Positive:"I know a lot about different things most people do not know about","I am open and receptive to learning new things".
Positive: "My sisters insecurities are not mine to own", "I am open to set boundaries, display courage and respect myself and those who respect me".
I can see that just by changing the thought from a negative to a positive my energy about the issue changes.
Through this method of training your brain to think different, it is inevitable to prosper and have good experiences in my life.
But only with consistency can such a method work, I have to make a commitment to write as much negative thoughts as possible and also find a positive for each negative thought and focus on the positives.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
My Hero
For two and a half years I have known, what I like to call a "resemblance of God". She is one of the reasons I know God exists. She inspires me everyday to be better. To love more, find more compassion, be more grateful, be more humble, be kind, be mindful, be honest, be your authentic self. She captivates me with her wisdom, her patience, her intelligence and her love.
She is everything I want to be, she is strong, beautiful, talented, passionate, soft and firery. She believes in preserving what it means to be human. To love no matter what, to show compassion no matter what, to share no matter what, to help no matter what, to be selfless in everything you do because you have more than enough to share, in every aspect of life. And that is our purpose. If everyone, including myself can possess these traits, if not all the time but most of the time the world would be a better place.
Even though, not all people possess these traits or even believe in them it is important to show it anyways. I found a poem reflects this way of being. It's called "do it anyways"
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed Anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If yo find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it many never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
I was never between you and them anyway.
This reminds of my hero and what she represents. People that reflect this way of being are rare and a gift that should be appreciated.
This is just a small gesture to let her know, regardless of my issues and struggles in life I will always be grateful for who she is and what she has done for me (in many areas of my life). She helps me with my anxiety and my negative thought processes. She is the most important person in my life and I hope that from this moment forward my actions always reflect that.
She is everything I want to be, she is strong, beautiful, talented, passionate, soft and firery. She believes in preserving what it means to be human. To love no matter what, to show compassion no matter what, to share no matter what, to help no matter what, to be selfless in everything you do because you have more than enough to share, in every aspect of life. And that is our purpose. If everyone, including myself can possess these traits, if not all the time but most of the time the world would be a better place.
Even though, not all people possess these traits or even believe in them it is important to show it anyways. I found a poem reflects this way of being. It's called "do it anyways"
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;
Succeed Anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If yo find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it many never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
I was never between you and them anyway.
This reminds of my hero and what she represents. People that reflect this way of being are rare and a gift that should be appreciated.
This is just a small gesture to let her know, regardless of my issues and struggles in life I will always be grateful for who she is and what she has done for me (in many areas of my life). She helps me with my anxiety and my negative thought processes. She is the most important person in my life and I hope that from this moment forward my actions always reflect that.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Living Anxious - The Effects of Child Abuse
Child abuse is bullying. It's "I'm bigger and superior, therefore I don't need to respect you" kind of an attitude. It destroys, it dehumanizes, desensitizes, it disqualifies and it lacks love. Child abuse is senseless and ineffective. Child abuse is counterproductive and creates more problems in the world. Unresolved child abuse can lead to anxiety as an adult.Child abuse breaks down children and destroys self-confidence, trust, and healthy thinking.Although, some children manage to grow up and be functional adults, there are still issues that may arise and hinder progression.
The effects of child abuse as an adult start to reveal itself as I get older and try to maintain functional relationships and survive in this world. Living anxious is not pleasant and tends to get worse as issues are not dealt with. Being anxious about living is not living and makes it extremely hard to enjoy the simple things in life. Anxiety has effected my life in many areas, this includes:
*Social Anxiety - I am anxious/ nervous around people I am unfamiliar with. I am scared about being perceived a certain way. I am Anxious about large groups of people in open or closed spaces.
*Anxiety about trying something new - I have fears about failing, so I do not try.
*Anxiety about completing tasks - I believe I wont complete the task perfectly, therefore I may never attempt the task.
*Anxiety about communicating - I might sound ignorant or I'll take to long to formulate sentences, so I won't talk.
*Anxiety about responsibility - I might fail at being responsible or I might disappoint.
*Anxiety about confrontation - I don't want to hurt any ones feelings so I wont talk about an issue, even if it hurts me.
*Anxiety to share my emotions - It might be perceived wrong, or it might hurt someone elses feelings. Expressing my emotions also means volnurability, which is something I'm not entirely comfortable with.
*Anxiety about problem solving - I'm afraid my solutions might not work.
My anxieties are fears of the unknown. Although, anxiety makes no sense and serves no positive purpose it is a horrible practice I have managed to endure for years. It has deprived me of so much in my life, it sets limits, and keeps me stagnant. At times, anxiety drowns me and creates a fog, where I am unable to see any form of light. Even though anxiety is poison, it also brings a sense of comfort; because it's familiar since I've had anxiety for so long.
However, it is not something I want to continue to entertain. Anxiety not only hurts emotionally and mentally but it also effects me physically. Being anxious creates a lot of tension in my body. With tension comes physical pain and ache (rigid muscles and joints), restlessness and digestive problems.
Anxiety long-term can and will lead to depression if not dealt with and other physical ailments. Moreover, my anxiety also effects the people close to me. They have to also endure my perceptions of the world, which is not fare.
I want to be free of anxiety; of senseless fear. I want to be free of pain from my childhood. I want to live present and enjoy each moment at least most of the time.
And so, through lots of patience and guidance I am fortunate to have an opportunity to grow and learn how to deal with anxiety. Everyday is a challenge, but as long as I utilize tools I have been provided with I will succeed.
Some tools I've been introduced to, to cope with anxiety are:
*Journaling - Keeping track of thoughts and feelings as they happen.
*Communicating more - Expressing my feeling and thoughts to people I trust. They might be able to offer a different perspective.
*Keeping a list of coping activities in my wallet to help manage anxiety. This includes reading something motivational, listening to happy music, push ups, walking the dog, playing with children.
* Action - Doing what makes you anxious is the only way to get over it, the more you do it the easier it gets.
The effects of child abuse as an adult start to reveal itself as I get older and try to maintain functional relationships and survive in this world. Living anxious is not pleasant and tends to get worse as issues are not dealt with. Being anxious about living is not living and makes it extremely hard to enjoy the simple things in life. Anxiety has effected my life in many areas, this includes:
*Social Anxiety - I am anxious/ nervous around people I am unfamiliar with. I am scared about being perceived a certain way. I am Anxious about large groups of people in open or closed spaces.
*Anxiety about trying something new - I have fears about failing, so I do not try.
*Anxiety about completing tasks - I believe I wont complete the task perfectly, therefore I may never attempt the task.
*Anxiety about communicating - I might sound ignorant or I'll take to long to formulate sentences, so I won't talk.
*Anxiety about responsibility - I might fail at being responsible or I might disappoint.
*Anxiety about confrontation - I don't want to hurt any ones feelings so I wont talk about an issue, even if it hurts me.
*Anxiety to share my emotions - It might be perceived wrong, or it might hurt someone elses feelings. Expressing my emotions also means volnurability, which is something I'm not entirely comfortable with.
*Anxiety about problem solving - I'm afraid my solutions might not work.
My anxieties are fears of the unknown. Although, anxiety makes no sense and serves no positive purpose it is a horrible practice I have managed to endure for years. It has deprived me of so much in my life, it sets limits, and keeps me stagnant. At times, anxiety drowns me and creates a fog, where I am unable to see any form of light. Even though anxiety is poison, it also brings a sense of comfort; because it's familiar since I've had anxiety for so long.
However, it is not something I want to continue to entertain. Anxiety not only hurts emotionally and mentally but it also effects me physically. Being anxious creates a lot of tension in my body. With tension comes physical pain and ache (rigid muscles and joints), restlessness and digestive problems.
Anxiety long-term can and will lead to depression if not dealt with and other physical ailments. Moreover, my anxiety also effects the people close to me. They have to also endure my perceptions of the world, which is not fare.
I want to be free of anxiety; of senseless fear. I want to be free of pain from my childhood. I want to live present and enjoy each moment at least most of the time.
And so, through lots of patience and guidance I am fortunate to have an opportunity to grow and learn how to deal with anxiety. Everyday is a challenge, but as long as I utilize tools I have been provided with I will succeed.
Some tools I've been introduced to, to cope with anxiety are:
*Journaling - Keeping track of thoughts and feelings as they happen.
*Communicating more - Expressing my feeling and thoughts to people I trust. They might be able to offer a different perspective.
*Keeping a list of coping activities in my wallet to help manage anxiety. This includes reading something motivational, listening to happy music, push ups, walking the dog, playing with children.
* Action - Doing what makes you anxious is the only way to get over it, the more you do it the easier it gets.
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